Monday, April 18, 2016

Menopause, every day of the week.

Dear Auntie Em,
Why is there less hair on my head and more on my chin? And what can I do about it?
Sincerely,

Santa



Dear Santa (And I am assuming that you are just using that name to avoid identification, and you are not the REAL Santa, because if you are, you really don't have a problem.),

To quote The Cowsills (anybody else miss The Cowsills? I sure do!):


Gimme a head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming
Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
NOWHERE does this include chin. Or ears. Or big wonky eyebrows. It very specifically says "head with hair" in that very first line.

I'm sure the growth of hair in aforementioned places is linked to hormonal activity, but I am not going to comment on hormones, as this past Saturday was the prom which had hormones aplenty. But I will say this...you have choices.

First of all, you can ignore it. This can be tricky, as some of those hairs are as big around as a toothpick. And they are scratchy and you want to rub them. If you don't want other folks to notice the hair on your chinny-chin-chin? Don't play with them. It draws attention to the fact that you're starting to develop a five o'clock shadow.

Some of this hair can be zapped. The chin ones could be eliminated. It's a little on the expensive side, which is why I have not had mine zapped, but if you have the additional cash, go for it. 

It can be tweezed. This is an ongoing process, however, and once you start tweezing, you can't stop. This is fine, until you are unable to tweeze anymore due to arthritis or eyesight. You will have to appoint a trusted youngster to do your tweezing for you, once you reach that stage. No one wants to get stabbed in the throat with tweezers.

You can cut/shave it. I used to be in the training department of Clinique cosmetics. Their female executives all shaved because they noticed that men's skin didn't age like women's, and they attributed it to shaving. I'm not sure if this was actually true, because it was the early '80s and you know that there was a lot of stuff going down that may have influenced weird behavior on the part of young professionals.  If you DO shave errant hairs, prepare to do it forever, and someone will have to take over when you can no longer do it. Just make sure you don't hire someone named "Sweeney Todd" to do the job.

I'd love to tell you, Santa, that this is a temporary affliction, but it's not. It's too bad that we can't channel all the energy our body is putting into inappropriate hair growth into something else: like chasing one last dream.

10 comments:

Bliss said...

Well my chin is on my head just not the top so perhaps the song is ok. But my strays are located in the under chin jowl, my turkey gobbler, and it's a cruel joke they grow fast and the eyes grow weak.

Linda @ it all started with paint said...

There was a scary moment as I was reading your post when I was playing with a hair on my chinny chin chin and it was like you were looking right at me! Off to find those tweezers ...

:) Linda

Barb said...

Threading is the answer.

karen@somewhatquirky said...

Two summers ago I did a round of laser treatments. Worked great for the dark hairs. Unfortunately it didn't do much for the white and blonde hairs. I'm hoping that I the next time I splurge on a Groupon for lazer treatments that they have developed something for the less pigmented hairs. The future isn't pretty if I have to trust my chin hair to a youngster - with vision.

karen@somewhatquirky said...

Two summers ago I did a round of laser treatments. Worked great for the dark hairs. Unfortunately it didn't do much for the white and blonde hairs. I'm hoping that I the next time I splurge on a Groupon for lazer treatments that they have developed something for the less pigmented hairs. The future isn't pretty if I have to trust my chin hair to a youngster - with vision.

Art and Sand said...

I cracked up at the "can't see/arthritis" comment. I had to stop wearing makeup because I couldn't see to put it on.

And, the last time I bought glasses everyone told me how ugly they were - fortunately the shop replaced them at no charge. My husband went with the the second time. How are you supposed to choose glasses when you need the lenses in them to see what you look like?

Heidi @ Decor & More said...

Sorta like those white eyebrow hairs... yikes! Not for the faint of heart, for sure. :)
xo Heidi

andi filante said...

I pluck my chin, my lip, and my neck while at work and just hope no one walks around the corner and catches me. And lands, some of those roots go all the way to the other side of my head. Thanks for the laughs!!!

-andi

Tina@WhatWeKeep said...

Ok, Andi said she plucks her neck, too??? I can't take this plucking anymore.
I need to find a youngster to examine my neck right away. I have enough trouble with those white chin hairs. Lawd.

Good Time Charlie said...

Timely post! I just last month discovered I have something in common with my 14 year old son. We can both grow mustaches! For now, mine is very fine and blonde, but I plan to have it waxed on, then pulled and waxed off. Very soon. If the light hits it from the right direction, I have an impressive mustache to rival any 14 year old teen boy.

01 09 10