Monday, April 4, 2016

Just Another Monday








A Sensible Armadillo




Dear Hot,

You are in luck! There are a plethora of things you can try in order to make yourself more comfortable. Please feel free to try any or all of the following:

1. Adjust the thermostat. Set it at a normal temperature, and move it down incrementally until you find a temp that's comfortable for you while still maintaining a temp that's not going to kill your houseplants. Please be advised that your family (whoever is in your house at the moment) might not like the fact that you've adjusted the thermostat to meet your needs, but who cares? The hand that washes the dishes/vacuums/does laundry rules the thermostat.

2. If adjusting the thermostat makes the home's other inhabitants drag out the pitchforks and torches, try carrying a fan around with you like some folks do at church. It can perform triple-duty--you can use it to keep yourself cool when you feel a flash coming on...by switching arms, you can give yourself a good upper-arm workout (and help tone those batwings)...or use them to impart a dramatic flourish when you want to make a point. (Or pretend you're Viola Davis in The Help!) You get extra credit if the fan features an advertisement for a funeral home.



3. Stay plenty hydrated. Carry a cold drink around with you and take a swig at the outset of a flash. If it's cold enough, it could counteract the oncoming heat. (PS--this is in no way scientific, but it does give you an excuse to carry around a margarita.)

4. At night, the 'one leg out' position seems to work well. Until your leg gets cold. Then you have to put your leg back under the covers until the sweat starts again, and then it's leg-back-out-time. This ritual is annoying to whomever shares the bed with you, and he/she might have to sleep elsewhere, which is actually what you want. Because an empty bed is a cooler bed!

I hope these suggestions will help in some way. If not, use your hot flashes as an excuse. Don't want to sit in that boring meeting? At an appropriate time, get up, start pulling on your shirt as if you're trying to cool off, and walk out. If the other folks in the meeting look at you funny, mouth the words "hot flash" and leave. Two things about hot flashes that you should always keep in mind: women of a certain age understand them, and men are afraid of them. The only people who are nonplussed are the "cool little misses," and WE DON'T CARE WHAT THEY THINK! Someday it will be their turns, and we will laugh and laugh! 

Hot flashes? If you can't lose 'em, use 'em!

10 comments:

andi filante said...

You crack me up. And you really have a way of making me look forward to this mental pause thing. Not really.

-andi

Tina@WhatWeKeep said...

I'm so glad that I went thru this in my 30's and not in my 50's. I might have killed someone by now. There aren't enough freezers in Texas to keep me from slapping someone into next week. Start duct taping ice packs to the thighs now!
Hope you had a great birthday! xo, T.

Dharma said...

On the plus side, in this little last blast of winter, I can just get in the car and sit there for a minute to defrost the engine.

Andrea said...

I pretend that I sweat out any extra water weight during the night sweats!

Bliss said...

I don't get hot flashes, I just get hot in unusual places. As bad as that sounds I meant places like my neck, my armpits, behind my knees.

Rose L said...

Oh, those pesky hot flashes. I keep Popsicle on hand and in the middle of the night when I feel like I am roasting, I gobble one and then end up shivering but more comfortable. If I run out, I can always use my ice shaver and the flavorings to make slushies.
At work I will complain about the heat being so high and everyone else is in long sleeves and jackets!

Marie Blackburn said...

I almost spit my coffee all over my monitor! Thanks Kirby for both a good laugh this morning and some helpful tips. I milk #1 for as long as I can get away with it. I really do need to invest in #2 and if anyone complains, I'll bake them a pie...a nice chocolate pie!

Sherry @ Thrift My House said...

Oh Lord!!! This is so accurate! I sleep with the one leg out, till I'm freezing...I go back and forth all night! I started a low carb diet a few months ago and thought the hot flashes would kill me! I quit. I'm 49 and it's been awful lately. Ugh! Great post Kirby!

Sherry @ Thrift My House said...

Oh Lord!!! This is so accurate! I sleep with the one leg out, till I'm freezing...I go back and forth all night! I started a low carb diet a few months ago and thought the hot flashes would kill me! I quit. I'm 49 and it's been awful lately. Ugh! Great post Kirby!

Good Time Charlie said...

One leg out is a great idea!!! The thermostat in our house is a seasonal device that almost always creates tension in my otherwise very happy marriage. If my husband had to live in my body for a few days, he would never mention the thermostat issue again.

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