Sunday, January 3, 2016

YAY! WE'RE BACK! (The one in which Mrs. Patmore talks about sex)

(But BOO that it's the last season. I hope people will still come back to read my blog, even when it's all over. I am funny sometimes.)

**SPOILER ALERT** this is for the first episode of the new and final season of DA. If you haven't seen it yet, please stop reading.

You know at the very beginning of this episode that the strange young lady is a bad'un. Unescorted ladies always are.

So...Mrs. Patmore and Mrs. Hughes have the sex talk. I think she's worried about getting naked in front of Carson. Hello?As if he's Channing Tatum?

Mrs. Patmore has agreed to talk to Carson for Mrs. Hughes in what could be the most hilariously awkward conversation of the night. ("Share your way of life?" Is that what they're calling sex in 1925?) Carson wants to set the date of the wedding, but he won't call Mrs. Hughes "Elsie" at work. He's such a romantic. Then he asks Mrs. Patmore to "his pantry," which is a euphemism if I ever heard one. And both Carson and Patmore are SO HILARIOUS!  "Wifely duties?" This $hit cracks me up. Carson tells Patmore that he wants to jump Mrs. Hughes' bones and that he loves the thought that they will marry. He wants to live "as closely as two people can." But she can totally decide she doesn't want to marry him now that he wants to play "hide the dachshund." She says, "If you want me, you can have me," AND THEN THEY MAKE OUT!!

*melting heart*

Speaking of Carson, he isn't happy that time can't be frozen. He thinks they should have under-butlers and footmen and kitchen maids galore. The Lord agrees, but what can you do? It's the twenties, fercryin' outloud.

Anna is upset that she isn't pregnant...I can't tell if she is miscarrying or just freaking out when she gets her period. Anna is worried that Bates wants skeighty-eight children and she is having issues. Bates tells her he doesn't care, but I'm not sure she believes him. We all know what enthusiastic caregivers dads are at 3 a.m.

Mary is taking Tom's place on the estate...Tom made good on his threat to go to Boston, where there are plenty of other Irish who are discriminated against.

Sign courtesy Dennis Public Library

So the young chick IS evil...she is blackmailing Mary because she saw Mary sign in to the hotel with Gillingham, before Mary decided she couldn't marry him because he wasn't good in bed  she didn't love him enough. Mary doesn't want to pay the blackmail and Anna wants to slap the chick. I would pay good money for a girl fight this last season. 

Mrs. Crawley and the Dowager are feeling their oats...they are arguing about the hospital and how it should be run...and Mrs. C. is giving the old doctor all kinds of $hit. I still love those ladies more than anyone else in the world  on the show. To be fair, though, I also love Spratt and Denker. I would love to see them hook up, but I'm not sure either of them plays with the opposing team.

Our lovely Edith is trying to decide between staying at Downton or moving into Michael's "Virginia Woolf-ish" apartment in London. I think Edith is going to be a very cosmo kind of gal. My prediction is that we will soon see Edith on multiple episodes of Sex and the City, the early years.

One of the shocking things is that Mallerton (an estate adjacent to Downton) is being sold. Daisy's father-in-law--Mr. Mason-- is having difficulty with this because he is a tenant farmer there, but Daisy takes the matter into her own hands. Now she may have to give up the farm. There's an estate sale, and I'm like " can I get my hands on some of that stuff? This is awesome!" But then I feel kinda bad for little old Mr. Mason. Daisy gets in trouble for telling off the new owners, but Carson just gives her a slap on the wrist. He is thinking of all that hot booty he's going to get from Elsie  Mrs. Hughes.

Is it my imagination, or does it look like Andy and Thomas are going to be...friends?

Bates and Anna are both off the hook; someone has come forward in the killing of Mr. Green. Maybe they'll go home and procreate like rabbits, which would be waaaay too predictable, so it probably won't happen.

So...that's it for this week and I hope you will come back for the next episode's recap! (And in between now and then, I will have Downton stuff on the blog in honor of the final season. Please come back. I am begging.)


Linda @ it all started with paint said...

Even in 2016, I could not imagine asking my fellow servant (if I had one and was one) to ask my fianced about his future intentions in the bedroom! How funny and awkward and so not 2016. Or 1925! So happy and sad all wrapped in one about this current and final season!

:) Linda

Chris K in Wisconsin said...

Oh, sweet Carson and Elsie! I predict Elsie will be the name of many little girls born this year! Mrs. Crawley and the Dowager were priceless! "Does it ever get cold on the moral high ground?" So glad the Anna/Bates (most recent) tragedy is resolved. And Edith, who obsessed over Marigold in every episode last season, was never seen with her in this episode. Hmmm I wonder who she will end up with as the love of her life. And, as her father said, will anyone ever measure up to Mary's standards? I hope we saw the end of the interloper preying on Mary. Seemed a little too easy "for 50 quid" to have her actually go away.
Thanks for your recap! I look forward to it every Sunday evening during "the season".

Kathleen George said...

The kiss! Warts and all! I love romance!
Confession time! I loved watching Dynasty, always was rooting for Crystal. Liked the actress in The Big Valley.
Your recap is funny and spot on.
I've been reading your blog for awhile and keep on please:)
Kathleen in Az

Junkchiccottage said...

Ha Ha what a great beginning!!!! The sex talk lol! Was that not the weirdest conversation between 3 people ever!
Too funny. I think we are off to a great last season! Keep your recaps going love them and love you and your great interpretation of what happened! You crack me up!


Does it drive anyone else crazy that Bates NO LONGER LIMPS? He drags that cane around, but for the past 3 seasons he limps less and less!
My guess is that Patmore and Mr. Mason will get together...Clips show that Thomas becomes the butler...Oh how I hate to see these characters go off into the sunset. I miss Matthew, Sylvia, and Tom Branson. GREAT casting! FANTASTIC props/fashions! Love, love, love DA!!

Rita C. said...

Believe it or not, I've not seen one episode of DA. I just come here for the entertainment - who needs the TV viewing when you've got this?! Thanks!

Heidi @ Decor & More said...

I especially loved Lord Grantham's (reluctantly) progressive thoughts on their way of life AND Mary's shacking up with Tony! Not to mention the way he dispatched that blackmailer...
And the KISS! Finally... bravo Carson and Elsie!
xo Heidi

I work so I can travel said...

Thank God you posted on FB that the season was starting. It totally snuck up on me! Got to the tv just in time. I miss Tom, I rather fancied him and his sexy Irish accent. Loved how Lord G thought paying that little wretch was "for a good cause" and was proud of Mary for not settling for a bad lay. Patmore was feeling it with the cop too, but I think she and Mason would make a good pair since she kinda acts like Daisy's mom anyways. I think Anna will get pregnant because the miscarriages were probably due to stress and now that they are in the clear she's gonna get knocked up. Loved the episode!

Kim said...

You've gotta love Mrs. Pattmore for even attempting to have that conversation with stuffy old Carson. But it was the sweetest, most awkward thing! I was yelling at the tv, she wants to know if Mrs. Hughes should bother getting a bikini wax or not! Lol

Tina@WhatWeKeep said...

The lord of the manor asking "is this the refrigerator?" cracked me up! And I love Mrs. Patmore. What a good friend she is. And could you just die when Carson was talking about his Elsie Hughes?

karen@somewhatquirky said...

I'm with you. Carson is NOT Channing Tatum. I felt so sorry for Mrs P having to do the whole sex intervention thing. Bless her heart. I'm really glad that the Anna & Mr Bates story line will be moving on. Whew!

pcb said...

We are SO going to miss this show when it ends. :(

AnnMarie aka Vintage Junkie aka NaNa said...

It was a good first episode! Thomas playing with the kids?! And I was shocked at the kiss! He doesn't even call her by her first name!

Stacey said...

I love your sense of humor about the sex talk!!

Thank you for linking to Thoughts of Home on Thursday. We can all use a little smile and goodness knows everybody loves Downton Abbey. :)

Laura said...

Thank you Downton Abbey for covering all the bases while keeping things straight laced and British!

I am so glad you joined our first Thoughts of Home on Thursday!

White Spray Paint

Are you still teaching?

I am a retired high school English teacher

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

Oh this recap is perfection! I laughed out loud in some spots.

Thank you so very much for joining Thoughts of Home on Thursday. Your presence really helped to make it very special. I hope you will return again and again.

Have a wonderful weekend and Happy Valentine's Day!

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