Friday, May 1, 2015

A few years ago, I wrote a post about what's on a teacher's wish list.**

It was picked up by an on-line magazine called New Jersey Family, and I felt semi-famous for about 48 hours.
But that was then. This is now. And my teacher's wish-list has changed.

I know people think teachers are good people who just want to be able to teach the kids, but I am not one of those Miss America contestants who is looking for a cure for diseases or World Peace.  I figure anyone who spends her day with 15 and 16-year-olds is already in good stead with whomever is in charge of giving out prizes for nobility, so I am going to be selfish.
I want stuff.  And lots of it.

I want a gift basket.

I know you creative types are reading this blog and thinking, "Cool!  I'll see what she says about teachers gift baskets so that I can get some ideas for my kids' teachers!"
Why not?

Let's take a look at some ideas for a teacher gift basket, shall we?

First, there's chocolate.  Because no matter what the day brings...sullen 17 year-olds, complaining parents, or standardized testing...there's very little that can't be improved by chocolate.

A photo of Bette Davis.  To remind yourself that you simply CANNOT go all Baby Jane on somebody's a$$, no matter how ridiculous the behavior.

For the boys who come to class after Phys Ed.  'Nuff said.

Anti- this, anti-'s all good. Pharmas can be you friends!

There are some days you laugh so hard at the foolishness, leakage could be a problem. (Heck...who am I kidding?  Leakage is a problem when I WALK, fercryin' outloud.)

They come in handy-dandy sizes as well as whimsical colors!

A nice basket...

with some pretty tissue paper,

and VOILA!!  A gift basket worthy of any slightly psychotic middle school  high school teacher!


Rita C. said...

Bahahahaha! I think maybe you SHOULD go all Baby Jane on the brats! I have a friend whose middle school aged son just discovered Axe, and she warns the town on FB when he douses himself in it (it's not a regular occurrence for him, just a special occasion thing for now). You'd still need the feBreze, though.
My daughter taught middle school English for several years....but went back to school for her Masters in Arts Admin and now works for our city's bi-annual FestivALL (an all arts string of events over a period of time). Thank goodness there are saints like you who choose to be part of the village who help raise our young kids. I couldn't do it as a profession, it was hard enough as a parent.

Andrea said...

How timely! I was just agonizing over orchestra teacher gifts this morning!

Rose L said...

Hahahahahahahaha!! YES! Now are those soft NERF balls okay to shoot at a distracting student???? Or would that land you in trouble? Chocolate is always tops on my list!

Junkchiccottage said...

Ha Ha Kirby you girl crack me up!!!!! Vodka, prozac and chocolate good combo for a gift basket.
You deserve this and more!!!!

Good Time Charlie said...

Now this is a gift basket for the realists on your list. The carefree leakage pads are the best!!!! Have you done your kegels?????

Sherry @ Thrift My House said...

My sil could use this basket. She teaches a special ed class, middle schoolers and wow! She needs this! I admire all you teachers out there! Congrats on getting noticed for your great wit Kirby! Have a good weekend!

Feral Turtle said...

OMG That is freakin hilarious! I suspect this gift basket could become reality if any of your students parents read your post! So do you keep your vodka in your purse or your desk drawer??

Art and Sand said...

The funniest teacher gift I ever heard of was a friend who received an Olga bra. The parent worked at the Olga factory!

My best teacher gift was a $250 gift card to the Ojai Valley Inn and Day Spa. I had a day at the inn, lunch, a mud bath and a deep massage. I loved that group of parents who chipped in to buy me the gift card.

Bliss said...

Ok, well against my better judgement I'm sending some carefree to school for my son to give to his band teacher.

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