Sunday, January 25, 2015

Whole Lotta Stalkin' Goin' On

      Thomas comes back from wherever he was (we know he wasn't with his sick dad, because Thomas lies more easily than he tells the truth) looking like death warmed over.  What are those hideous circles under his eyes? No self-respecting gay guy I know would be seen in public looking like that!  Later, when he takes a spoon and we see a hypodermic, I'm thinking it's as we've suspected for awhile--he's a chemistry teacher who has been diagnosed with cancer and he's having to cook and sell meth in order to pay for his treatments.  Oh, wait. We're in England where all your medical concerns are taken care of for free.  That's what the whole weird dancing doctors and nurses thing was at the opening ceremony for the London Olympics.  I still have nightmares about that giant baby.

Time for dinner!  There's Mary, cutting her dad off when he asks about Shrimpie. Dowager, verbally bitc#slapping Lady Edith when they talk about Prince Thingamajig. Eating with these people always turns into some kind of ordeal.  I guess we don't get to see the boring dinners--like the our ones we have at Brandywine.  We don't talk about Russians.  We mostly talk about whose turn it is to feed the cats and take out the recyclables and why the guy hasn't come back to FINISH THE BATHROOM.  Cora asks Edith why she's so glum, and Edith responds, "I'm not glum, am I ?" and I want to scream at the television "O! MY! LAWD! YOU WERE BORN GLUM, YOU NINNY!  AND THEN YOU LOST THE COUSIN YOU LOVED TO YOUR SISTER AND THEN HE DIED AND THEN YOU WERE LEFT AT THE ALTAR BY THE OLD DUDE WITH THE BUM ARM AND THEN YOU GOT PREGNANT BY SOME MARRIED GUY WHO IS IN GERMANY MESSING WITH NAZIS AND THEN YOU GAVE YOUR BABY AWAY AND NOW THEY WON'T LET YOU SEE HER AND YOU'RE STILL NOT AS PRETTY AS YOUR SISTERS!!! HOW'S THAT FOR GLUM, YOU MORON?" But then I remember that we all should feel sorry for her and be nice like I wrote about, and I hold my tongue. And whenever the subject of inviting Miss Bunting to dinner comes up?  The guys swig their drinks.  FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, DO NOT INVITE HER ANY MORE!  It'll only develop into yet another political shouting match, fercryin' outloud. And then, to top it all off, Lord Grantham puts poor Daisy-of-the-ears and Mrs. Patmore on the spot and you know things have gone to heck in a handbasket when the servants are summoned to the dinner table.

As for Prince Kuragin...I have always found it hard to trust a man who wears a pinkie ring.  That is all.

Best line of the night: when Isobel tells Violet, "You only say that to sound clever," the Dowager responds "I know. You should try it."  You can imagine, Dear Reader, that I feel the same way ALL. THE. TIME.

Seventy-four kinds of cute: Lord Merton proposing to Isobel. She's going to think about it, even though she enjoys being a widder lady. Widder ladies have all the fun.

Lady Mary really wants to just text Lord Gillingham to say something like, "i no its not right, but im breaking up w/u becuz ur  just not that good."  Instead, Anna says she must meet with him, face-to-face. But before she can meet him, she runs into that dishy Blake.  You know, the one she got "down and dirty" with last season, before she decided to 'ho around again.

So Blake introduces her to Miss Mabel Lane Fox (Lord Gillingham's ex), who is not what Mary anticipated.  (I have no idea what this means, but I know it is snarky on Mary's part.) Meanwhile, Anna is being followed by a tall skinny guy and glum/crazy Edith is stalking the pigman's wife.

Mrs. Patmore and Lord Grantham both agree on a clinical analysis of shell shock/PTSD, which is a relief for everyone concerned.

Lord Grantham is pi$$y about the art dude coming back, and he is saying dumb stuff.  That may very well come back to bite him in the hindquarters, like when Mr. Bricker hits on his wife.  It's a good think she's known as "Saint Cora, "or we might have another Lady Mary incident on our hands.

At first, I was like "who cares?  They both have curly brown hair.  I don't see any difference, and neither one is Matthew, fercryin' outloud.  But then I found this picture, and I looked really carefully and I decided that I would choose Blake.  The reason is that he has "fun" eyes.  They are crinkly and sparkly.  Gillingham eyes are those of a crazy man, once removed. Plus, tweed over tux, any day!

Speaking of Lady Mary, Lord Gillingham won't let her break up with him. Like the famous (and fraudulent) psychic Miss Cleo, I am seeing something funky in the future.  A guy who won't "let" you break up with him is exactly the kind you need to run from just as fast as your legs can carry you before you turn into a Lifetime movie.

So that's my synopsis for this week--Blake or Gillingham: whom would you choose?


Kathleen George said...

I had to make sure I watched the episode before reading your synopsis. Honestly after laughing through your hilarious post, I think Lady Mary needs a kick in the rear. Blake is to good for her and I can't stand her pompous tone in her voice. Mmmm my sister told me that my daughter looks a little like Edith, only prettier. Could be her coloring. Mmmm, thinking on that one. Honestly, my Sunday nights comes down to watching DA and reading your take on it. Very spot on! Wicked sense of humor you have, Kathleen in Az

PamLuvsPink said...

Hi Kirby!!!

Killed myself laughing!!

As always(which may make you mad) I sneaked and watched all of season 5...ALL of it!!! Your take on this episode is spot on!! The one that irritates me the most, is that shrimp big mouth Miss Bunting. She gets right under my skin!! Mary telling Toni G. that something changed after making out with him is a dozy!! As he said, 'Oh, how flattering!!' Yes Toni, you didn't do IT right?!!

Mary then shouts, 'Next...' She's a prim and proper slut...Oh, I mean Lady. I guess because she didn't do IT for $$$$ she's ok.

I feel sorry for Edith, being the middle child is hard....I know because I'm one. The oldest gets a new dress and the middle one wears the hand-me-down from the 1st born and the youngest gets a new dress because by the time the dress fits her it's worn out. I just want her to yell at everybody that she just did what Mary did with Mr. Pamuk, but, her man didn't die in her bed and that yes IT was wonderful and I have a little girl because of it. Mmuahahahahaha. Men in white jackets come and get Edith!!

The 'Traveling Salesman' aka Art Historian makes me cringe. Come on...If Cora does anything with him(YUK!!) she'd be the next one the men in white would come and get!! Robert is handsome and has a title Cora...Wake up!!

Yep...That's about it until next week.

I love the way you put things down!! It's great and to the point. I hope your TV is okay after your shouting at Edith...Someone has to. That glum face is making me want to shake her shoulders to knock it out of her. Oh well, what's to come!!

Please don't grade my spelling, my weak point!!

Have a great week!!


Kim said...

The clever line was the best in the show. As soon as I saw Mary down in the slop with Blake I knew he was "the one". Gillingham went from just creepy to scary last night. AND THEN she followed him.
Maybe Cora's art stalker and Edith could run away together - they are both getting on my nerves!! And yes, someone please stop inviting that snippy teacher to dinner!!!!

Shannon Fox said...

I got all caught up last night. I had a 2'fer! Edith. Yawn. She is just so... pitiful. Cora better get some attention paid to her soon. By her HUSBAND. I loved the proposal. Look forward to Lady Mary's and The Dowagers romances ;) And so much more! Better run, tons to do today!

AnnMarie aka Vintage Junkie aka NaNa said...

Finally the scene where Lord Grantham yells at the sassy witch at the dinner table!! I knew I didn't miss it. Stop inviting her already!

Ken Ashford said...

Lady Mary's voice is starting to annoy me. Everything has the oh-this-is-SO-tedious tone to it, even lines that aren't meant to be like she's tedious.

karen@somewhatquirky said...

Blake. Blake. Blake. It's always been Blake! For me at least! said...

The pinky ring... gives me the creeps! Love your recaps!!! Happy February! laura

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