Sunday, January 4, 2015

DOWNTON'S BACK!!

(Disclaimer AND spoiler alert...This is the kick-off episode of Downton Abbey, season five. So if you DVR'd it you might want to stop reading.  Also, this post has a SPONSOR!  What is that, you say? It means someone sent me a Starbucks gift card for $10 in order to bribe  convince me to keep writing.  That being said, while the post is sponsored, the snarkiness is my own.)

Is it just me, or is Lady Edith reminiscent of Elmira Gulch?


Lady Edith
 
 
Elmira Gulch


Daisy wonders what life would be like in 1958.  I don't know, Daisy...maybe if you watch an episode of Happy Days... you can dress like Pinky Tuscadero and date The Fonz.



I know I said it last season and I'll say it again now: The Dowager and Mrs. Crawley are the best twosome since Thelma and Louise. Or Abbot and Costello. Or Martin and Lewis. And hearing that Mrs. Crawley is being "courted" by a guy named "Dickie"...well...
So Violet decides to get all up in this mess and invite a bunch of old folks (including the Sense and Sensibility bee-otch, who actually seems pretty nice in this role) to see who can get a little sumpin' sumpin'.  My money's on Mrs. Crawley. (Anyway, it's fun to hear them reference "Mrs. Bennett."  I *heart* Jane!!) Let the smackdown of the AARP crowd begin!

Thomas seems to be up to his old tricks again, which is both interesting AND annoying.  Of course he's still after dirt on Bates and Anna, who is still wearing the same Laura Ashley dress she's been wearing forever.  I can relate; there's nothing quite like an unfitted, square-necked frock. Especially when you're going to talk about sex with Lady Mary.

Mr. Carson has been asked to be chairman of the war memorial. I personally think he'd make a good, though curmudgeonly, chairman. Mary thinks it's a good idea. Lord G does not. Lady Violet thinks Lord G should B-slap the villagers until they make him king.

And again, Mrs. P. has the best line of the night (as well as the most accurate) "All the best people were rubbish at numbers at school." Truer words were never spoken, Mrs. P. Meanwhile, Mr. Molesley is dying his hair. There are no words, people. No words. He is trying to impress Baxter, and I'm not sure that's the way to go. In fact, she asks if he has a rash and if he's 52. (He's 51.)

The pig man knows Edith is Marigold's mom.  The pig man's wife thinks that Edith has a crush on the pig man.  (The Pigman  is a great YA novel by Paul Zindel, by the way.) Mr. Molesley still has a crush on Ms. Baxter. Thomas PROBABLY still has a crush on Jimmy, but Jimmy has some hot-to-trot aristocrat to deal with who has shown up unexpectedly and expects to get a little sumpin' sumpin' from Jimmy. Meanwhile, Rose invites the crazy red-haired teacher to be Tom's guest at a party---if Rose had read Anne of Green Gables, she would know that red-headed schoolteachers are a bit of trouble.

Then there's this whole exchange between Tony and Mary about shooting and picking up that I feel is some 1920s British landed gentry double-entendre.  As I am neither British nor gentry nor 100 years old, I am not catching it, which is bugging me.  I will probably be awake the whole night, trying to figure it out.

Second best line of the night to Lord Robert--"Molesley, you look very Latin all of a sudden. Do you have Italian blood?"


And now, in a wicked twist, Baxter has revealed she is the new star of Orange is the New Black! There is a touching moment when Molesley reassures her that he will visit her in the big house. Barrow receives his come-uppance from Lady Cora, as he has placed a convicted felon in her house. What will he do this time to make everyone forget he's just a slimy poop? (Forgive the visual...it's past my bedtime.) But no...once again he digs himself out of the hole by becoming indispensable by sounding the alarm and rescuing Edith when she goes all Firestarter.  (Is there anyone else who could totally see a marriage of convenience between Edith and Thomas?  It bears consideration, I think. Kill two birds with one stone--Thomas could carry on his affairs undercover while Edith could get the relatives off her back. Oh, wait. It's 1924 UK. Never mind.)

How old is that dang yellow lab, anyway? Isis?  It's 1924 and that dog was full-grown when the Titanic sank in 1912. So let's say the dog was born in 1910.  Isis is now 14 in dog years, which is 98 in people years...so where are the cataracts? Where are the hip problems?  How can that dog hear her name when she's called?  It's one of the many mysteries here at the Abbey, folks.

Here's another: What is up with Lady Edith and her desperation to hang on to the hope that formerly British, now German guy (we've forgotten his name, it's been so long) will return?  She's still carrying that torch, only now it's literal, as she just about burns down the place.  As the fire rages, Jimmy and the aristocratic lady are heating up the joint and are busted by Lord Grantham. Lady A sneaks off, while Jimmy is relieved of his footman duties. Firemen show up in their gladiator helmets and all is right with the world.

What did YOU think of this season-opener, Peeps?

9 comments:

Linda @ it all started with paint said...

So happy to sit down with Downton again after so long! And Lady Edith as Elmira Gulch is perfect! I'll get you my pretty little baby that I gave away to the farmer family ...

I do love The Dowager and Mrs. Crawley's interactions the best. So fun!

And can they bring in a suitor for Mary who can at least hold a half burned candle to Matthew? These two men bore me to tears. Ugh.

Oh, and the outspoken red-headed teacher needs to go too. I have to agree with The Dowager, she was just rude!

Love your recaps, my friend! And good night!

:) Linda

Junkchiccottage said...

Love all your recaps. You must do this each week lol! I have to agree they need to bring in someone dashing and with a personality for Mary. We need to see some good ole British sparks. Happy to see the Downton gang back in action.
Kris

LostRoses said...

Well, it's past my bedtime too but now I can go to sleep even happier now that your reviews are back! Ohmigosh you have a way with words and you're so darn funny - love it! The shooting and picking up thing - he shoots at the birds but she won't have to pick them up (as if she would) because he's humbly saying he's a bad shot. Hmm, maybe there is some innuendo in there!

Miss Kitty said...

Thanks for your recap, Kirby. Now I can understand (a little) when others are talking about DA. Maybe someday I will break my leg or something and HAVE to lay in bed and I can "binge watch" all of the seasons.

Kim said...

I almost died when weasely Molesely was dying his hair. He is such a shmuck. And as my Grandma used to say - Thomas could fall into a bucket of "poop" and come out smelling like a rose!

Frugally Feeding Five 1/2 said...

I am excited that Lady Mary is actually considering Tony's indecent proposal!

karen@somewhatquirky said...

gulp. I forgot to watch. and i have to wait till thursday to see so I'm commenting without reading. just to say happy day Kirbs!

pcb said...

Love that Baxter beat Thomas to the punch.
Lady Edith makes me sad.
Violet and Isobelle (sp) are fabulous.
The schoolteacher can go, but only after she tutors Daisy in math.

AnnMarie aka Vintage Junkie aka NaNa said...

Not sure.... a teeny bit disappointed :(

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