Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Do you know your Christmas karaoke?

** I'm dreaming of...well, actually I'm dreaming of Rick Moranis, even though I broke up with him. But it probably sounds cooler to say I'm dreaming of George Clooney or Hugh Jackman, so just pick one of those.

** I'll have a blue Christmas without oxygen. (Really. Because then you're cyanotic.)

** O Little Town of ___________________ (fill in the blank with any of the following: Wolcott, North Rose, Clyde, Sodus, or, if we're talking REALLY little, South Butler.)

** Deck the Halls with...well, I've found it's easier to deck the halls after I've swabbed the deck, and the deck usually needs a good swabbing after I've decked somebody, 'cause there tends to be blood involved.

** Sleep in heavenly peace, until I have a hot flash. Then it's more like hell.

** In the meadow we can build a snowman. Or go cow tipping, whichever.

** On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...a beer. (You TOTALLY knew that was coming!)

** Haul out the vodka...

** O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree...it's a pain in the a$$ to get your lights on.

** We three Kings...need a fourth so that we can totally win this hand.

** City sidewalks, busy sidewalks...watch out for muggers!!

** He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...and you probably should get a restraining order.

** Have yourself a merry little cosmo....



** ‎'Tis the season to be...well, I'm sure it's the season to be something, but I bet it isn't the season to wrap your head with metallic ribbon and talk like Prissy from "Gone With the Wind," but I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

** Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day...you gave it to some homeless guy so that he could pawn it for money to buy another fifth of Mad Dog. Thanks a lot.

** Here we go a-wassailing among the leaves so green...does this sound vaguely pornographic to anyone other than me?

** It came upon a midnight clear...not gonna touch this one. Nope.

** A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight......walking in our winter underwear.

** Troll the ancient Yultide carol...is that anything like trolling for guys?

** Joyful and triumphant...courtesy of Xanax!

6 comments:

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

when i was a kid we learned "santa claus is coming to town" in school. i couldn't sleep and cried that night and my mom asked me what was wrong... i recited back "he sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake!" i was freaked. my mom gave me a magic coin that would protect me.... it was really a foreign coin she received as a tip. she was a waitress. :)

karen@somewhatquirky said...

I think somebody messed with your karaoke machine! I know that one about walking in my underwear. Call me unsophisticated, but I don't understand how here we go a-wassailing is pornographic... I think I've passed the age of sleeping in heavenly peace.

reFresh reStyle said...

Sleeping in heavenly peace is such a distant memory! Have a Happy Thanksgiving :)

Bliss said...

Don't tell my husband the real words are not walking in your winter underwear.

Danni@SiloHillFarm said...

Good to know there's a topic or two you won't touch! (But I don't believe it!) You crack me up!

Katie @ On the Banks of Squaw Creek said...

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin no babies!

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