Friday, September 26, 2014

My Persona (And if you are singing that to a tune by The Knack, bonus points!)

**If you are here for the tour and the Canadian Maple Leaf table...please scroll down to the next post!  I didn't realize it would not show up when you stopped by from the beautiful home of Stone Gable.  Sorry. You can read this post too, if you like, but it doesn't have any project. Just true confessions.*


Buck Russell: I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you!

(Thanks, Teen Wolf, for reminding me that my silly heart is what makes me, me.)

Where do I start? (And this will be a lengthy post, so you can bear with me or not.  But if you are a new reader, I’d love for you to continue.  It will explain some stuff.)

I had already written a good chunk of this post before the mess hit the fan, but then I decided to go back and start again because it was the right thing to do.  (And I can’t get the font to match, so maybe you can tell which is part of the old post and which is part of the rewrite.) 

I think it’s time we talk.

Some of you (maybe only those of you who were English majors) might know about literary persona.  A literary persona is the narrator (character) who tells the story.  A persona gives the story it’s “voice.”  It’s a make-believe person who tells a story.

Like me.

Let me be perfectly honest here: I write my blog.  People are only able to guest post because I love them and I invite them and I know my readers will “get” them.  There is nothing on my blog which I do not personally endorse.

But the owls are not what they seem. (Ten points for you if you get the Twin Peaks reference.)

log lady
(This is the Log Lady.  I currently wear glasses exactly like these.  What can I say?  Fashion is on a 20 year cycle. I'm waiting for "mom jeans" to come back.)


Like a Drag Queen on Facebook, I have to assume an alternate personality.  Why? My life is boring.  If I told you what really goes on…well, there wouldn’t be a reason to read this blog, and it would be absolutely no fun to write.  In the spirit of entertaining myself (and maybe a couple of readers), I developed (as the narrator of the story) a persona.

A persona makes the story a LOT more interesting.  A persona has a distinct personality and voice.  A persona can make friends or enemies.  Here’s why I developed a persona, instead of writing as myself:



IMG_1355
(This is the one thing I actually got invited to this summer. Thanks, theatre peeps!)

My persona is WAAAYYY cooler than I am.  My persona is a borderline alcoholic. In reality, I have a “one and done” limit, unless it’s a special occasion, and even then it’s “two and through.” Those of you who believe I am on Bourbon Street collecting beads for my drunken escapades will undoubtedly be disappointed.  My persona is a hard-a$$ who will steal things and then get mouthy with the cops.  In reality, I don’t even speed because I’m still recovering from a ticket I got in 2002.  My persona has ridiculous conversations and harebrained ideas and so much fun she can hardly stand it.  And she’s funny as heck.

And then there’s me.


I am a peripheral person.  I am the annoying girl who used to sit next to you in Social Studies class…the one who tried to get your attention by cracking jokes or knowing all the answers.  The one who sat in the cafeteria by herself with a book, after she stopped by your table to sing a chorus of "Downtown" by Petula Clark.  You know…the one who was always on the fringes, but never in the mix.  No date for the prom, Saturday nights spent babysitting….the "weird" one.

(Now, before you feel bad about this, don’t.  I am an introvert, so a lot of socializing leaves me both exhausted and anxious. When I get with other people in real life, all I can think of is how I am saying or doing the wrong thing and how dorky I am and how I will never be invited to anything again, which is pretty much true. It's stressful. Also, as a writer, being on the fringes gives me the opportunity to observe without being involved.  The first rule of being an annoying girl is “Don’t Get Involved...because everyone thinks you’re a dork.”)


1987
(This is the dorky trio.  Our baby is the ‘cool’ one. She lives and works in Manhattan, with other cool people.)

I always believed that I had a talent as a writer and story-teller and  believed the blog was the perfect place to showcase that. After all, I’d kept a journal for almost ten years, and this was like a journal, right?  But while my journal (1973-1982) was full of real-life teenage drama, my grown-up life was laughably dull. Nearly everything is embellished or is inspired by something that happened to someone else and may be grounded in reality but is not reality itself.  Because humor is organic, and writing is a process that occurs at a later date.  And for some of my readers, like Mr. Thicke, those lines were blurred.  Who is this old broad anyway?


This old broad is someone who has become reliant on her online friends to bring a little joy to her day.  This old broad lives a fairly solitary life with a part-time husband and two cats.  She has a crappy old house that needs fixing beyond her skill level (and was supposed to be done by now, because the husband was supposed to be RETIRED by now but then they sweetened the pot so that he would stay, yet no one is working on this HORRIBLE HOUSE except for a few DIYs here and there, which is like a drop of rain in an overflowing bucket and then there are all these MICE), and a job that is more often frustrating than not, trying to teach literature to teenagers who can't or don't want to read because they would rather play with cellphones, which is ENCOURAGED by the county because they can't afford to put more computers in the classrooms.  And now she has folks telling her that she’s a bad person, even when it’s her persona causing all the trouble.





Trust me, these ladies (and Bliss and Cassie and Lynn and Linda and Tina and Suzan and the list goes on and on) would not be friends with someone who is a criminal. (Okay…maybe someone who just commits SMALL crimes, but that’s neither here nor there.) But they will embrace (figuratively) a woman who is still that dorky annoying girl, even though she pretends to be something else.

What I write has its roots in reality, but like the annoying girl that I am, I can’t leave it alone.  I have to tell a story.
 

13 comments:

Mel@Mellywood's Mansion said...

Oi, who said you're a bad person? They must be mental, I love the persona but even with the persona I think the dorky girl comes through at times and she's actually pretty cool too, she just doesn't know it. Xxx

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

you know i love the real you! i think your persona is fun, and i wonder when it's gonna give me some time; but it's the real you i know and love! i am a complete dork, too, and i embrace it- and i think in embracing our dorkiness and owning it we become less awkward, or not alone in our dorkiness.

Katie Olthoff said...

Hmmm, now that I know you're really NOT a borderline alcoholic, hard ass criminal, maybe I will send Isaac for a visit. Except Isaac can be a bit much for introverts. Best to enjoy him from afar. Like I do your blog.

Tina@WhatWeKeep said...

You are wonderfully you, KirbyWanCarespodi. A silly HEART, a DANCER, a DREAMER.
A TEACHER, PREACHER and SUPERHERO for the kids that are blessed to be in your presence for an hour every day. You are the SLAYER of the menopausal dragon. You defeated hormone hell. You are a trivia CHAMPION.
So for anyone else who isn't "in the know" about Kirby- She's a WRITER.
A wonderful storyteller who makes us laugh and cry and feel. She didn't deserve those harsh comments.
I'm calling you ladies out. You OWE Kirby a real apology. If you are half the woman that she is, you will be as public with your apology as you were with your criticism.
I hope you do the right thing.
Love you, Kirbs.

laura@imnotatrophywife.com said...

I think I missed something???? I am in hosting/blog/godaddy/ hell this week. And, I'm having 15 highschool boys over for a tennis team dinner tonight. Can you say alcohol in a big red Dixie cup.

laura- the one who wants to be a trophy wife without the effort or maintenance! xo

andi filante said...

I am an an introvert as well. I most likely don't come off that way on the blog. I even come off as a goofball at times around actual people...they don't believe me when I say I'm an introvert. I love being home where it's quiet and I can work on my stuff. I don't party. I mostly dread social occasions. Phil always leaves me stranded and to my own devices while he yucks it up with every other person in the room while I stand there not knowing what to do with myself. Very uncomfortable!! I loved Twin Peaks. I hope Mom Jeans never make a comeback. And I'm singing "My Sharona" instead of "My Persona." Is that okay?

And who the bloody hell says you're a bad person??? I echo everything Tina said because she said it better than I could.

Love,
-andi

andi filante said...

Okay, I figured out what the shenanigans were about. Dorks.

looking silver said...

I think I 'get it' now. I half-way suspected you were schoolin' us about the stones. Let the stories flow, and mea culpa for the scolding, it certainly was Kirby personified. (Was that a misplaced modifier?)

La Verne@hopeandsalvage

looking silver said...

PS Thanks for the "Uncle Buck" quote. It's a great one and certainly worth taking to heart.

La Verne

AnnMarie aka Vintage Junkie aka NaNa said...

I love both YOU and your PERSONA!! Keep writing!

Karen Feral Turtle said...

I thought I was reading about myself for a moment! Guess we won't be having any great drinking parties! Love that quote from Uncle Buck....One of the many great parts from that movie!!! Love you Kirby and glad you are who you are! Cheers.

karen@somewhatquirky said...

Oh you dear girl. I love you AND your persona. And one thing I figured out long ago - we're ALL dorks.

Cheryl in Wisconsin said...

My Kirbona!

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