Thursday, May 15, 2014

In the land of the blind…

…the one-eyed man is king.
                     --Erasmus

03slide3
(This is John Goodman as the “Cyclops” from Oh Brother, Where Art Thou, which is based on a Homeric epic poem called The Odyssey.  I doubt if either John Goodman or Homer cares if I use this image.)
But at Brandywine, the one-armed woman can’t do $hit.

I apologize in advance for the length of this story.  It takes a long time to explain how you lost (temporarily, one hopes) the use of half of your right arm, kinda.  Because a car fell on you.

So…
800px-Volvo_960_wagon_--_11-26-2011

We could very well own what could be the oldest Volvo station wagon east of the Mississippi. (This one above is not ours…ours is far dirtier.)
We bought it when the kids were little, knowing it would one day become the car they would learn to drive, and that it was incredibly safe.  (Little did we know that our daughter—not her real name—would not be able to reach the pedals.  We had to find a different car for her.)  This car is so old, it will soon be eligible for Social Security.  But it fits a sheet of drywall between the wheel wells (which, for my husband, is the hallmark of the perfect vehicle) so we haven’t put it out to pasture yet.

Given its advanced age, there are things on this car that no longer work properly—kind of like on me.  And recently the hydraulic thingie (technical term) that holds the hatchback up stopped working. So we did what all resilient/thrifty midwesterners (by nature, not geography) do—we got a length of PVC pipe and jammed it into a place that would hold the hatch up when we needed it to.

Except one time, I got it wrong.
And all 30 pounds of hatchback, moving at however many miles per hour, came down full force square on my shoulder.

It knocked me down, but being of hardy stock, I got back up and proceeded with my day, and in an hour or so it stopped hurting, and I pretty much forgot about it.

Until a few weeks later, when I could no longer move my arm.  Like, at all.

Apparently, all kinds of scar tissue has built up inside my shoulder, impeding movement and causing me to scream at inopportune moments, as if I have an odd form of pain-related Tourette’s.  And the list of things I CAN’T do is now longer than the list of things I can.  Using my hand for any length of time is painful, so I “save” my extended motion for school---which means no blogging.  (This post has taken me four days to write, because I can only write a few paragraphs at a time.)  I can’t write on the top part of the white board, because I can’t raise my arm that high. I can’t take photos for “Walkabout Wednesday.” I can’t really paint any furniture.  On a happier note, I can’t really vacuum too easily.  I can do the dishes, but I can’t put them away.  I can iron, dammit.

Anyway, I am doing the exercises the physical terrorist therapist has given me to do, and I hope to be back to normal  my old self soon.  Until then, please appreciate all your working body parts.  You never know when a car might fall on you.

PS - While I'm on the mend, I'm sending you to read some great magazines put together by Kerryanne English, who lives Down Under.
Also, don't forget we're reading a great book this month, The American Heiress.

15 comments:

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

hope you recover quickly, my friend! that arm comes in handy... he he.

Karen said...

So sorry to hear about your arm! Looking forward to more blog posts in the near future. :)

Tuula @ The Thrifty Rebel said...

So sorry about your arm Kirby! I hope it has a quick recovery. :)

Suzan Sweatman said...

Sorry about your arm Kirby - I had a 4858 pound door fall on my foot last week - can barely move it - and John actually took the time to scream at me for trying to move it myself - WHILE IT SAT ON MY FOOT.............
HELP - ( I screamed back lmao )
Not fun I know..................heal quickly!
XOXO

Linda @ it all started with paint said...

At least you can read! And what a perfect excuse to step away from doing and relax with some reading? Clearly I'm looking for the silver lining. And clearly all I really want to do is read some of the books I keep ordering off of Amazon and are just collecting dust around here ...

Feel better soon!

:) Linda

Art and Sand said...

Oh, do be careful! We only get one body for our entire time on this planet. Which is actually poor planning because by the time we are old enough to appreciate life and have the money and leisure time to enjoy it, the body is worn out.

Andrea said...

Oh Kirby! I have no doubt you hurt that car as well. Take care of yourself!

Bliss said...

I didn't have a car land on me, only a 300 pound barber chair on one toe. I could still walk and chew gum, and thankfully swat flies and wipe.... I feel bad for you, but wanna sell the car? The sheetrock part was the clincher. Oh, and Brawn has sleep tourettes. It's not funny.

karen@somewhatquirky said...

I'm so glad to know how a car landed on you. I just couldn't figure that one out! I hope that therapy is working and doesn't kill you before you have a chance to enjoy a working arm again. I have great empathy for you. We're too old for this shit.

Danni@SiloHillFarm said...

Oh Kirby, I'm so sorry! Donna from Distressed Donna Down Home knows something about this as I think she had the same thing...but not from a car falling on her. I hope you enjoy some blog reading while you are on the mend. Maybe you can get a student to take pics for your walkabout wednesdays. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery girl!

Feral Turtle said...

Well that just sucks!....except for the vacuuming. That's a bit of a reward for all the pain you are in. So sorry for you Kirby. Here's wishing you a speedy recovery and a new hydraulic hinge on your car! PS...a VooDoo doll of your terrorist may come in handy....I'm just saying....

Cheryl in Wisconsin said...

I broke my leg in 2006 and it was the most frustrating thing in the world. When you want to do something you want to do something - now. Physical restrictions are irritating. You strike me as a tough cookie that will heal rapidly. I hope that happens.

Mel@Mellywood's Mansion said...

Oh Kirby I'm so sorry to hear that. My Mum had that frozen shoulder thing it took forever to heal but it did eventually heal so good luck with the physio.

Andi Filante said...

Okay, I'm seriously laughing my ass off and feeling sorry for you simultaneously. Did I spell simultaneously right (both times)? I've had two bottles...NO glasses (okay 3) of wine and am playing blog catchup. Ketchup? Catsup? Oh whatever. I have to go see newer posts to see if you're doing okay. Hopefully so.

-andi

Debbie Borthwick said...

Oh geez, Kirby, that must have hurt when it happened...but I can't imagine what you are going through now. It sounds so painful! I hope you heal quickly...I guess it depends on how much you do the exercises your 'terrorist' therapist gave you! Debbie :)

01 09 10