Thursday, November 8, 2012

In search of a theme song, part one. (I promise there will be only 3 parts, unlike the interrupted murder.)

I know that once upon a time there was a show called Ally McBeal, which I never watched.  (In my defense, I think it was on late, and my bedtime is early.  Plus how can you watch a show where the weight of the female characters, combined, is less than the weight of ONE of your thighs?  It is morally, ethically, and just plainly wrong!  Plus, Calista Flockhart's head is too big for the rest of her and I am always scared her neck will give out.)

But my understanding was that in one episode of Ally McBeal, Ally's therapist suggests she might want to find a theme song.  Well, David E. Kelley, the creator of Ally McBeal, totally stole that from me.  (And he's a lawyer, so he probably thinks it's all cool to steal and whatnot.) But when I was in middle school?  I wanted a theme song, like Anne Marie in That Girl. (This is back in the day when I was listening to WAXC--pronounced 'waxy'--out of Rochester, NY.  It, like so many of my other favorite radio stations--radio being what we had before iPods--is gone now.  To which I say: RIP Waxy. We hardly knew ye.)  I would listen to the radio for hours on end, just to hear songs that I might be able to adopt as my theme song, so I could be like That Girl.

this photo courtesy of my friend Xenia at Collar City Brownstone.

Do you know what?  There were NO songs about a girl named Kirby.
Sure there was a Rhonda (who needed help) and an Amy (what WAS she going to do?) and a Cecelia, a Jennifer, a Linda, a Sheila, a Renee and a Holly, who was---in Neil Diamond's estimation--Holy.  But there was nary a Kirby in the bunch.

So it was up to me to find a song on my own.
(come back again and see if I do!)
*the folks at Finding the Funny are waiting, too!*


  1. Oh yes Laura - Tom Jones sang one for you lol
    And I'm Suzan - far too many of them and for some reason they all seem to be " troubled girls " lol
    Run around Sue - Wake up Little Suzy - A Boy named Sue tee hee
    Good luck Kirby!!! ( Do you have a middle name? )

    1. And Laura and Tommy, a terribly sad song wherein he drives in a stock car race for the $1000 prize for her wedding ring and well, he died. Groovalicious.

  2. Hmmm, can't wait to see where this one goes! No Andreas either, but I absolutely thought someone would write one about me...imagine my disappointment!

  3. there were no songs about cassie either.... but i love cinnamon and always have so my dad when i was a child used to sing neil young's cinnamon girl and i still think of it as my song.

  4. I always hated songs with my name in them because people would always sing them *loudly* & *badly* and

    The absolute worst has to be CCR's "Oh Suzy Q".

    I've banned that song from ever being played in my presence.

    And BTW, when I googled for a "Kirby Song", this came up....

    maybe you could change the lyrics a bit to make it your own?

  5. Let me tell you, there are no Lynettes in song either. @ Laura -- there was definitely a Laura song, probably before your time. In fact it was a bit before my time too, but it was a creepy one called "Tell Laura I Love Her."

  6. Oh my goodness. That is hilarious. Yes, I did love that I had a song that had my name in I can feel for you that you didn't. I am on pins and needles with excitement to hear what you did :)

  7. Well, If you're going to go with your detective personna, I'd consider the theme music from Columbo or, perhaps, Pink Panther to put some words to. Columbo and Clouseau would have made a great team, don'tcha think?

  8. I did love that Ally McBeal (sorry) but they all were dangerously skinny! Now I'm thinking up my theme song ... hmmm ...


  9. Doesn't Kirby vacuum have a theme song?


  10. I loved Ally, too. Never missed it. My favorite thing was when they danced to Barry White songs in the bathroom.
    Laura- here's another for you. 'Think of Laura' by Christopher Cross.
    Here you go, Kirby.

  11. Love That Girl! Good for you to come up with the theme song idea without a therapist or a lawyer. I too wanted my own song, but there have not been a lot of Tishas through the years. I tried to claim "Brown Eyed Girl" for a while, but my eyes are really hazel, so I'm still unsettled. Looking forward to what you come up with.

  12. Hi Kirby, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (, and I’m visiting from Finding the Funny.

    You make some good points here. A theme song, hmmmm. To risk stating the obvious, should it be something about being like a broken vacuum cleaner, b/c you don't suck? (Kirby being the vacuum reference, of course). And I've just looked over your blog for the first time, and I can say it's absolutely true: you DON'T suck! Hurray! In fact, you seem pretty awesome. Yay again!

    Anyway, thanks for the chuckle. I'll be back. If you’ve never visited yet, I hope you can pop by my blog sometime to say hi…

  13. I chose the AUstin Powers theme song for myself. I thought it was absolutely awesome for a long time.

  14. Loved this! I, too, tried to think of a song for you, but when someone shouts "Kirby!" I immediately reply "vacuum cleaner!" Great laugh!

  15. I have yet to find a good "Paige" theme song either. When I'm not looking for that,the remaining time is spent looking for the perfect actress to play me in the story of my life ...probably debuting never. Cruising through all the Finding the Funny posts. Glad I stopped by!


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