Tuesday, April 3, 2012

She's BA-AACK!


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In 1873, Mrs. E.B. Duffey said, "Men have had their say. It is but fitting now that a woman should have hers, especially as the woman who assumes to speak does so with an authority man cannot venture to claim."

(Note: all of my asides will be in parentheses. And there will be a lot of asides, I can assure you.)

"But another--and, I hope, my strongest--motive for writing is the desire to bring some message of relief to suffering womanhood--to womanhood suffering unnecessarily through ignorance and the perverted teachings of others."
(This intrigues me. I would like to know what kind of perverted teaching went on in 1873. I can remember being in 5th grade and watching "The Menstrual Cycle" movie and trust me, to 11 year-old Kirby, that was plenty perverted enough teaching for anyone.)
Mrs. Duffey goes on:"This has been called, and not without reason, 'the women's century.'" (Well, doesn't that just figure. There was a women's century and I friggin' missed it. $hit. Can I have a do-over?) "Women are striving to do, and claiming the right (to PAAAAR-Teee! Sorry. Couldn't resist.) to do, many things that have heretofore been considered entirely beyond their physical and mental capabilities." (Hold up, Mrs. E.B. Duffey. Did women not GIVE BIRTH back in 1873? Because SERIOUSLY? I'd like to see a man push a basketball out of his hoo-hoo. If women can do that, we can do ANYTHING!)
Then she says "It is not my purpose, in this book, to indulge in any discussion in regard to women's (is that a sic? Because it doesn't look right to me) right to enter any field of labor they may see fit to select." (Whew. For a minute there, I thought she was going to say I couldn't fulfill my life-long dream of becoming a geriatric pole-dancer.) "My aim is, rather, while making this a complete handbook of general knowledge for women concerning all the special physical functions of their sex, to try to find what bearing these functions, and the duties resulting from their exercise, have upon the ambitions and desires of the representative women of today."
(I don't know about you, but I have an uneasy feeling this is going to be another "Menstrual Cycle" lecture.)

12 comments:

Dharma said...

hell - any message of releif to suffering womanhood will be gratefully accepted :)

spoken by the peri-menopausal B*$C& who is sweating at her desk....

MarkLaBouff said...

Just reading the phrase "Dainty Maid, return flow, Ballon Syringe" may have scared me for life.

Jessica @ Stay at Home-ista said...

I'm not sure I really want to know where she winds up at the end of all of that.

Jessica
stayathomeista.com

Linda @ it all started with paint said...

Oh my! I think I may prefer Judy Blume's version of this topic ...

:)

Linda

Bliss said...

Wonder what we would call Mrs. Duffy today? And happy birthday too.

~Bliss~

Andrea said...

So. Probably can't still send awayo that free book advertised? Rats! I can't wait to explain any upcoming behaviors as special physical functions of my sex!

Debbie said...

OK - funny stuff with your commentaries, hahaha. Can't wait to see the next one. I'm popping over from Finding the Funny.

Nicole said...

I'll be singing Beastie Boys all day now.

Came by from Finding the Funny!

Nicole said...

I'll be singing Beastie Boys all day now.

Came by from Finding the Funny.

Cheers! Ninja Mom

Susan said...

Gotta admit, Mrs. Duffey confuses the hell out of me! But your posts are hilarious. Love them!

Sparkling said...

Thank God for the balloon syringe because that old bulb was so unhandy, right? Wow, the things they published back then. Wow. I'm so glad that I'm enlightened enough to clean out my insides for my radiant health. I'd like to be a Dainty Maid and make $51 a day with just 2 sales too! That was a fortune back then! Imagine! Found you at finding the funny.

Anna at www.mylifeandkids.com said...

Ha! Where did you find this thing? And what are people going to be saying about us 250 years from now when they find our blogs? :)

Thanks for linking up to #findingthefunny!

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